Life doesn't always happen the way I have expected, and I think those expectations kill my ability to enjoy the adventure that is right in front of me. I have said it myself so many times... "I never expected things to turn out like this," or "I never thought I would this old and still be ______(feel free to fill in the blank)". But that doesn't mean that it has been "bad." It just means that it is different than I expected. Many times, my expectations turned out not to be that wonderful...there have been times when life gave me something that I really would have rather not had to experience. As a result of both, I have learned so many valuable life lessons. God made a thing that would have been horrible and turned it into something beautiful in the making. I am so thankful for those times.
Does it mean that those times didn't hurt? By no means can I say that. There are things that I look back on and cannot even imagine how I managed live through with half of the mind that I have left. There have been times when I was completely sprawled out in a puddle of mud in my heart. I thought there would be no way to ever get passed the pain I was experiencing. It was more than I could even measure. There were times when I questioned why my loving God would allow those things into my life. I was angry and hurt and broken. I just knew I would never get out of the mire of that time in my life. I questioned my existence....I questioned my purpose....I questioned every single thing about me. It was hurtful.
With the love of a Father in Heaven who understands my heart, my head, my soul, my body....I have had to accept and learn from some seriously messed up things in my life. Things do NOT hurt less because I know that I will eventually learn from them...I truly believe the pain is part of the lesson. But I also have the assurance that none of my pain will be wasted...all of my tears are worthy of being recognized...all the brokenness will be mended or, at the very least, be patched up. It is a part of the journey. I don't always like it....I really don't always like it! But it is necessary.
After all that is said and done, I must admit that I am who I am because of every single moment of my life...not just the pleasant ones. Through all of my experiences, I know what miracles look like, I know what love feels like, and I know that I can come out stronger on the other side of any thing. I have felt God holding me up when I couldn't do it myself...I have felt Him holding my heart together when it was shattered....I have danced with Him in the good times. It is all a part of His perfect plan...and with that I can surely say "it's all good."
